It’s nearing the end of semester and it finally hit me: I’m staring my future in the face. In six months I will be graduating from college, and I have absolutely no idea what the next season looks like. No. Idea.
I was reflecting with some of my church family this week at dinner, and I told them I was almost engaged once. The women across from me eagerly nodded their heads, beckoning me to go on with the story. How did I go from almost engaged to single, living in charlotte, and back at home with my parents??? (I ask myself the same question sometimes not going to lie.) But I told them my story of God wrecking me and breaking me and ripping out the fragile foundation on which I had built my self worth, only to put me back together in His perfect timing.
I told them how after the relationship ended, I was a shell of a person. Shaky in my faith, and unsure how to build my own life. My own future had become so tangled with this man that I didn’t know who I was. One day he was saying he couldn’t wait to marry me, the next saying goodbye, and I felt like an eighteen wheeler had slammed into my chest. It was really hard to keep going. It was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
And I told them that when God told me to move back to Charlotte, I crumbled even more. The last place I wanted to be was where my journey was taking me next. I told them how I gave up dating for a long time after, because I wasn’t ready to trust just yet.
But then I told them how counseling, Jesus, and the precious healing power of family helped me discover self worth. There’s incredible healing that can come when your world is turned upside down and you only have Jesus to lean on. I learned that self care is necessary. I learned that you should never be with someone who makes you question your own sanity. I learned that a man should never be a woman’s life raft-only Jesus can be that mighty.
As I shared my story, I realized that this was the season that we had talked about walking down the aisle. Though there is complete healing in my heart, it still stings a little to consider how quickly time passes.
But here’s the thing: our future isn’t our own. We don’t know what will come around the next corner. We can’t know what’s waiting for us in the next season. But we can trust our future to a God who provides. Who is inherently GOOD.
So as I stare my unknown future in the face, it’s like looking at a blank slate. I don’t know what’s next, but I do know Who to follow. And isn’t this crazy, adventurous life the most beautiful when we’ve placed all of our broken pieces in His hands?
I’ll always be grateful for my almost engagement. For my moments of complete brokenness and loneliness. Because that season taught me how to surrender and love God first. How to find worth in Him alone. And there’s more joy, more peace resting in Jesus than I could have ever anticipated.
I don’t know what your brokenness looks like or feels like, but I know how it feels to be shattered. And I know the healing that can come from a painful season. You’ll make it through. It may take time. But you are strong enough to fight this battle, and Jesus invites you into His presence to experience true healing. Cling to Him. Rest in the truths found in His word. Jesus creates beauty from ashes and joy from sorrow (Isaiah 61:3). Trust He who will never fail you.