I’ve realized we don’t talk that much about when God gives us enough. Not abounding blessings, but enough. Not extra, but enough. Definitely not at all what we want, but enough to meet our needs. Enough.
I really struggle with enough. In our American life, we rely on extra. We rely on consumerism and greed and it’s the fuel to the fire that never runs out.
But is that how we are called to live? In our daily dependence on the Lord, are we supposed to expect the extra? I don’t think so. But it’s way too easy for me to make the switch from expecting enough to meet my needs to feeling like I deserve more than that.
How often my heart song is: God I am a good person, why don’t you give me what I want?
And that’s really ugly to type, and embarrassing to read, but it’s the honest truth. So often my conversations with God go more like this:
God, I serve you in the Dominican, why haven’t all my friends reached out? I gave you one friend who called you randomly this week just to check in, accept the gift,
God, I have no strength left, I don’t know how to make it through. I have given you the strength for today, stop trying to do so much.
God, I don’t know what I’m going to do about finding a teaching job. I don’t even know where to look. You have a teaching job for now. And that is enough. Stop trying to have a master plan when you don’t have any answers yet, only I do.
God, when will you provide a partner for me? I’m so tired of being alone. All in good timing. I want you to myself right now.
I think we are scared to trust God with enough, because that requires more dependence on Him. But we should find hope and peace resting on the promise that He IS enough. He might not provide everything we want at the second we think we deserve it, but He will provide enough for NOW. And that’s all we really need.
I am practicing the discipline that i want to call enough-ness. Do I think God is enough? Am I content with enough?
And it’s hard and messy and bittersweet in so many ways.
It means looking past the fact that I have no idea what my future holds and clinging for dear life to Jesus.
It means being grateful for one friend, when I might feel forgotten by many.
It means waking up each day, knowing theLord will provide enough for THAT day and not stealing worries from tomorrow.
It means not knowing how I will get through the school day, and one of my kids coming up and hugging me at recess.
There’s a song we sing here, Enough, and the chorus goes like this:
“Christ is enough for me. Christ is enough for me. Everything I need is in You. Everything I need.”
May this be the cry of our souls, in every season.