Right now I’m on season 7 of Grey’s Anatomy and I am obsessed. Like, I dream about Seattle Grace Hospital, I use Netflix to motivate me through my piles of homework, and I actually find myself thinking about the characters like they’re my friends. Help.
This has a point, I promise.
But I’ve been watching this series (seriously if you haven’t watched it by now, stop living under a ROCK and turn on Netflix. End rant.) And I find myself psychoanalyzing the crap out of the characters. Because they seem real, and have messy lives, and I really wanted to be a doctor before I realized I faint at the sight of blood.
So I’m watching the show, and it feels like Christina Yang (a sassy perfectionist who puts work above everything else) is speaking directly into my soul. My very being. My spirt. She says “I think people are either born simple…or like me” as a tear slips down her cheek. And I want to scream YOU ARE BRILLIANT AND DEEP AND THAT’S OKAY. But I don’t, because she’s not real.
And then I realize I am shedding silent tears. Crying over this
stupid brilliant television show, because I feel like Christina Yang all the freaking time. Sometimes it’s hard to embrace who you are, to realize that you aren’t like everyone else. For some (most) of us, that lesson keeps on getting re-iterated well into adulthood.
That quote has stuck in my head for weeks now, because it pierced some fragile piece of my soul.
I beat myself up for being different from other twenty-somethings around me. For not liking large groups of people, and choosing to spend my time in Barnes and Nobles instead of the at the club. For reading Harry Potter when I’m sad instead of Vogue or Cosmo. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t make myself be that person who gets excited more excited over parties, makeup, and hair than a great book, deep conversation, and the perfect dirty chai.
I can only handle so much simple. And so my life is often messy, and full of stories that would make you cringe because of awkwardness or fall off a chair laughing. I don’t know how to love a little, only a lot. I don’t know how to not be sensitive, make friends with strangers, pray for people I don’t know, or make book characters out of my ex-boyfriends. My life often looks pretty complicated and messy.
But when I saw Christina Yang cry over the fact that she’s not happy with a simple life, I realized that I’m tired of beating myself up, too. The world needs Christina Yang just as much as it needs Izzie Stephens. This beautiful, broken world is full of people that are made differently and created to serve different purposes and that’s okay.
If you love your life all the time and think the world is full of rainbow and butterflies: you’re okay.
If you’re messy and depressed and sensitive: you’re okay.
If you’re a combination of a million different emotions, and unpredictable to your core: you’re okay.
If you don’t know who you are: you’re okay.
If you’re a super nerd or the president of your sorority: you’re okay.
If you’re Christina Yang instead of Meredith Grey: you’re okay.
Just keep going. Stop making excuses for the fact that you’re not like someone else. Embrace you.
And while you’re at it, pull a Meredith Grey and encourage the hell out of your friends. Tell them that they’re okay, too. Because the world needs more kindness, and I don’t know where I would be today if it weren’t for the Merediths in my life.