“May the cry of my soul ever proclaim, ‘Thy will be done.'”
I wrote these humble words in my journal this morning, as I reflected on the good gifts that God has given me in this season and the season to come.
It’s really easy for me to get caught up in anxiety over the future. I am the queen of having a 5 year plan, and no matter how many times God interrupts it, (Hello I am in the Dominican Republic. I graduated college in 3 years. I was sick for 8 months in 2016. The list goes on) I still want the plan. I try to secure my own steps instead of abiding by Him.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned here is that God gives good gifts. They might be challenging. They might sweep you off your feet with pain. But they are GOOD because He is good.
It’s been difficult here, and there have been lots of days where I want to cry and pitch a fit over being uncomfortable. But here’s the thing, through this process, I have learned so much. I have learned about diligence, and what it means to dig into the word every single day because you can’t get through it without Him. My kids have shown me love in a way I’ve never experienced. I’ve learned about discipline, how we set rules for our kids here because we love them, which is why God does the same thing for us. It’s not because he’s mean, but because He is loving. I’ve learned about grace. What it means to love a child, wipe their tear stained faces, and give them a hug after they deliberately disobey me, are violent, or just stubborn. How gracious our God is to me.
And I’ve learned about gratitude, but not in the way you might think. I’ve always been a little wild on the inside. I crave adventure. I’m impulsive. I can’t stay in the same place for too long without feeling like I’m suffocating. But I’ve learned what it means to be appreciative for what I have at home. What it means to live somewhere different and feel the weight of privilege for having been born in the United States. I crave roots and settledness without feeling like it’s a trap, and as I go into this next season I think this lesson will shape my life in ways yet unseen.
Even though it’s difficult. Uncomfortable. And just plain hard. It is SO GOOD. Because God gives good gifts. He puts us in situations we could never dream of, and then shows up right in the midst of them.
You might be in a strange season right now, trust me I know how you feel. But He is working, even in the small moments where you feel unseen. He is there. He is moving. And He is good.