(Reposted from the blog on my website: Becoming Rooted. Check it out!
From the time I was a young girl, a negative body image caused me to drown in a sea of insecurity. I never felt like I was “enough.” I was a professional player of the comparison game, unable to see beauty when looking at my own reflection. Instead, I fueled my insecurity by obsessively measuring myself against the impossible beauty standards set by society. I never felt good about myself, because I didn’t think that feeling beautiful was possible unless one looked like any of the plastic celebrities splashed on the covers of various magazines.
In the midst of the chaos that I had sought, I could not understand how Jesus could view me any differently than the way I saw myself. In my mind, I was never good enough for someone perfect to love. If I couldn’t accept myself, how could Jesus see someone worthy of loving, knowing, and accepting?
Eventually, my insecurities led me down a very destructive path, and by age 14, was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I had led myself down a path that is empty, unsatisfying, and extremely dangerous. By God’s grace, I was delivered from that trap, but the road to recovery was a long and hard one. I brought a lot of pain upon my family, and even more hardship upon myself. But Jesus was always there, wooing me with His arms wide open. He calls me beautiful, and I have begun to learn that His acceptance is enough for me.
Confidence never seemed attainable for someone like me. I was so worried about what other people thought about me that I completely lost my identity trying to live up to an impossible standard set by society. However, when I started looking to Jesus for my worth, asking Him to deliver me from the deep trenches of insecurity, and made positive changes for my mental health, I found glimmers of confidence within myself.
I may not have the perfect body or constantly clear skin. I am a recovered Anorexic. I have many wounds that Jesus came to heal, and by His grace alone, I am able to look in the mirror with confidence. He is the source of my strength, and I would not have overcome the battle of body image without His help.
If you are struggling with an Eating Disorder, please know you are not alone. There is strength in community, and I would love to partner alongside you in your personal journey. For more details about my recovery process, please email me privately. I understand your struggles, and am here to tell you that recovery is SO WORTH IT.
You are worth more than you tell yourself. You are worth more than the number on a scale. You are worth fighting for. You are worth loving.
[If recovery is something you would want me to discuss further, please mention that in the comments. I will never post anything triggering without a warning because I know this is a sensitive topic. Thanks!]
[National Eating Disorder Association Helpline: (800) 931-2237]
“God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.” Psalms 46:1