If there’s one word that could possibly attempt to encompass everything I’m thankful for over the past year, it would be Faithfulness. This year has been full of changes: graduating high school, moving to Boone, experiencing the loss of relationships and the growth of new ones, passions being re-directed, and God’s faithfulness being revealed in incredible ways. Many times throughout the past year, I’ve felt like I reached a dead end. Every single time I felt like a door was being closed, God revealed His goodness to me in many ways.
It’s crazy how often we as humans, prevent ourselves from reflecting on the past, simply because we are scared to face our brokenness. I struggle with disassociating myself from events and people all too quickly, and find myself blocking out many memories just because they’re too fragile to peel back the many layers of feeling.
Yesterday, I was sitting around a bonfire with many of my high school friends, and I found myself reflecting on the events of the past year. I remembered graduating from high school, unsure of the future, and thinking that life would only get better. (I now laugh recalling my once wishful thinking, and miss the simplicity of ignorance.) I remembered driving around with my family and blasting music on the way to Amelie’s, bickering over who could play the role of DJ. I remembered starting my first novel, and the feeling of elation and indescribable peace it brought me to know that I’m pursuing the right vocation. I remembered being alone in my dorm room, empty and so numb, crying out to Jesus and immediately feeling the peace of His presence. I remembered the first time I truly felt God’s unending, all consuming love wash over me this summer, as I committed to surrender fully to His will. I remembered the insane idea I had to follow my heart and go to Africa, then submitting the application with no idea as to how it would come to shape my entire world view.
Some memories brought pain and some brought extreme joy. There are many events throughout the past year that have defined me as a woman, and as a child of the King. But Jesus has always remained incredible faithful. Throughout this season of growth, I have never felt more carried by my Savior. He has ended many chapters this year, and given me a brand new start in many ways.
His beauty and grace is evident everywhere I look-in the fiery Boone sunsets, the bare trees boasting in their naked vulnerability, the joy that illuminates from the heart of my cousin with special needs, in the laughter shared between my sisters, and the multitude of stars that are visible from my childhood home. I was under the impression that remembering would bring pain, when on the contrary, the memories brought God’s faithfulness to life.
I’m challenging myself to reflect more in the coming year, and to spend this last month of the year devoted to finding God’s faithfulness in my everyday life. His plans are so much greater than our narrow minded human brains can ever comprehend.
“I will thank you, Lord, among all the people. I will sing your praises among the nations. For your unfailing love is as high as the heavens. Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.” Psalms 57:9-10